Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
