Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had to cum in my sink.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
