new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
