i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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