I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
