I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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