Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
