I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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