I wish I could punch you in the face.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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