i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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