pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
