I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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