we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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