He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
