I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
