The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
