The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
