I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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