I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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