Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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