I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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