Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
