I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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