I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
