so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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