maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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