One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm too high and old for this...
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