I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
