Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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