My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
