my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
