Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
