i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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