I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
