after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
