I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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