so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
