I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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