this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
