that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
