she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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