I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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