I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
