So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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