she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This beer is not sobering me up at all
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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