just come out here and I will go home with you...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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