I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
