Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
