Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
