just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
