Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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